Post 2, BOOK 4:

“An Entertaining Treasure of Life’s Simplest Solutions”

SELFISH?

We were business partners, but she wanted more.  For several weeks, she had been trying to get me to go on a picnic with her, and she was again waiting for an answer.

I abruptly said, “I’m going for a walk.”

Annoyed, she shook her head.

I stepped into the blazing sun, no sunglasses or hat, turned and put the sun behind me.

A picnic should be easy: just two or three hours, and much of the time we could talk business, but… What?  A few minutes ago, she had accused me of being selfish, of always having my own way.  She was referring to the last three times that I had found reasons to say No to her picnic. 

“When is it going to be my turn?” she had asked plaintively.

I shook my head at the memory.  Was I being selfish? 

I once read that the word selfish was a judgmental accusation too often used by those trying to get their own way.  It was also a difficult word to oppose.

I stopped walking, turned and squinted into the sun.  This was stupid; I had to go back. 

As I walked through the door, she was standing, eyebrows raised.  I pointed to the chairs, and we sat.

I said, “I have been wondering about the difference between selfishness and self-love.”  

She started to apologize for calling me selfish, but I stopped her with a shake of my head.

“I like making people happy,” I said. “It feels good, except for those times when it doesn’t.”

She frowned and opened her mouth to argue.

I stopped her with, “Let me finish.”

I took a breath and pressed on.

“I keep coming back to the question, ‘When should I make myself unhappy for someone else’s happiness?’”

I paused and then concluded, “And I think the answer is never.”

She had always been a good debater, and she did not falter here.

She asked, “How about the parent who works two awful jobs, so that their child can have a better life?”

I countered, “Doesn’t that parent’s happiness come from their hope in the child’s future?”

She immediately began to ask, “What about…?”

Again I cut her off:  “There may well be times when it is good to make ourselves unhappy for another, but mostly I think it is like your picnic invitation.  If I were to go with you, I would have to work at hiding my resentment.”

“So you’re telling me No,” she said.

“I think that feeling of resentment is the key.  When I imagine I will be feeling it, I have to say No, both to take care of myself and to avoid that resentment coming between us.

Suddenly, she was on her feet.  Giving me a brief look of disgust, she walked out.

After a moment, I realized that I felt badly; and I felt elated.  Instead of giving in to her, I had stood up for me.

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